A few days ago I was reading the book "Storytelling" by Dr. Julio Decaro where he relates a dialogue he had with his almost adolescent grandson. Julio says that he told him:
- Look, Facundo, soon, when you enter adolescence and you and I talk, possibly we are not going to understand each other. You are not going to be interested in the stories and ramblings of your grandfather or me in your assholes. Maybe then, and for a while, it won't give us much to talk about. What we will always be able to do is give each other a big hug like this and say "I love you."
How much wisdom in those words and how useful they are also for parents who find it difficult to accept that children are growing up and that there are times when they no longer want to be by our side or do activities with us. But that is part of life and the sooner we understand it, the more serene we can show ourselves at that stage. Our role is to educate, but so that they are free and build their own lives, even if that means getting away from us.
The renowned Dr. Icami Tiba, raises an absolutely successful concept for this stage. He calls it "Strategic Stops”And compares them with the stops that cars make in Formula 1 races to refuel or change wheels. At that point, the entire team is ready and available 100 percent to quickly perform the tasks that are required and let the car get off the ground again.
He maintains that with growing children something happens more or less like this: They do not pay attention to us for several hours or days but at a certain moment they approach us and want us to help them solve a problem or listen to them to quickly start again. Wisdom as parents is to be available at that moment that they require it and draw a smile when we see them leave again, trusting that if we did the right thing up to that moment, they will be responsible for their lives even when they are far from us.
As the author says in his book "Who loves educates", "the art of being a mother and father is to educate children so that become affectively independent, economically independent, and ethical citizens of the world. The more competent educators the parents are, the less necessary they are for the children, and the affective bond will be eternally maintained in the name of healthy relational integration.
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