Forest Bluff School, Author at Forest Bluff School

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Submitted by Paula Polk Lillard 

I can honestly say that my heart has never felt more filled with wonder at this world or gratitude for human life within it. As I took my dogs out at 6 o’clock this morning, my first sight was of the full moon, still completely visible through the tree’s bare branches beyond the pond and pasture. When I turned east back toward the house, the brilliant red beams of the rising sun were just peeking through the tree limbs to the east; the moon and the sun at once! A glorious sight I had never seen at our house before. Then I received an image on my iPhone sent by my doctor son-in-law of the Virginia countryside by his home. He had taken it with his drone. Human ingenuity throughout the ages has brought us such wonder! Scientists around the globe, working together to defeat a common enemy to our health; inventions that boggle the mind, owned and operated by individual citizens; and the beauty of the earth that out of the darkness of winter each year brings us the light of spring in all its glory. Truly we are the most blessed of all the peoples who yet have lived!

Photo by Bill Detmer

True, right now we are facing an enormous challenge, one that seemingly arrived out of nowhere, COVID19, a shock to our daily existence; all turned upside down in a nanosecond. Here is how a young mother explained to me what parents are experiencing:

There is fear and anxiety. People are coming to terms with the idea that school might not be back in session until September. They feel overwhelmed by how to carry on their children’s academics. They are anxious about getting their own work done. And there is a general fear—that the world might be falling apart, that we brought these children to the earth, and now the unknowns of its future are right in front of us. It’s unsettling not to have our usual routines and sources of comfort.

And I think most people realize that they have to manage their own emotions because the home is a small space, and we don’t want to overflow on our children. Everyone is doing their best, but everyone is tired, too. My husband, now working from home and not at all prone to anxiety, said, “I am so much more tired than I should be for what I have done each day. It shows how much all this is weighing on my subconscious.” It is telling that he is carrying this, too.

And so we are for the near future in a time of great darkness. How do we get back to the light, to the hope and joy of the lives that we had been living? It brings to mind my father, and one of my earliest memories. He is sitting in his big armchair, home all day now in the Great Depression of the 1930s, reading and writing, a tension about him, thinking and looking distant. By the time I was six years old, I understood that he was not only worried about my brother, mother, and me. The responsibility for the families of the thirty employees in his small machine tool shop in Dayton, Ohio, weighed heavily on his mind, too.

I remember too from this time, my beloved brother, a year and a half older than I, sneaking out of his bedroom in his pajamas, and racing through the snow, barefooted, to his friend’s house next door. I knew this was terribly wrong of him because he had been put to bed with a sore throat, but I did not tell my mother. It was not long, however, before my anxious mother was returning home with him in tow, the memory made vivid for me because he got hot lemonade as medicine and I did not! In those days, before penicillin, antibiotics, and vaccines for childhood diseases, every cold, sore throat, and stomach ache was treated with the strictest bed rest. In spite of my mother’s vigilance—healthy diet, precise sleep and rest schedule, daily outdoor exercise and play—I spent days of quarantine at home for measles, mumps, whooping cough, and scarlet fever, mostly because of my brother who seemed to catch everything while I managed only to have chickenpox.

There were other periods of quarantine, too, and they were more frightening. When I was in the fifth grade, my whole class was quarantined for weeks. One of our classmates, who had appeared well and healthy when we were last with her in the afternoon, died that same night in the hospital from meningitis, a period of nine hours from onset to death. Both saddened and frightened, we talked on the phone with each other, and described the dreams we were having that she came alive again in some form that we could see, half believing that they could be true. After the weeks of quarantine were over, her mother invited us to a memorial “birthday party” for her where we were asked to sing Happy Birthday before an urn of her ashes. Even as a child, I knew that what we were doing—what for us as children was a bizarre event—was meant to console this mother in her anguish for her only daughter.

The health threat that frightened us most, however, was polio. During an epidemic, there were whole summers of closed swimming pools, movie theaters, camps, and parks—and no friends to play with. We were frightened by the risk of paralysis and being put in an iron lung, trapped and immobile.

And then one day, there was a new fear. I was at the riding stable when an older friend’s mother arrived with the news that bombs had been dropped on Pearl Harbor. At home that night, and throughout World War II, we listened to the radio, following the news of defeats and victories, bombings and devastation.

I also remember my dad, a 5’2” bundle of energy and purpose, striding down the hallway at 6 o’clock in the mornings to wake my brother and me, singing the words of a hymn from his childhood, “Awake for the dawn is breaking….” Then he was off and out the driveway to his factory and its, by now, hundreds of employees.

Close to the war’s end, I remember the ceremony when my father and his factory’s workers were given the Army/Navy E Award for supplying “precision aire” gauges for measuring airplane parts (to the thousandths of an inch for the first time in history) and a vital contribution to the Allied victories in Europe and eventually Japan. In 1947, my father took us along with him on a business trip to Europe that included a visit to English friends of our family. They had children the same ages as my brother and me. Sharing meals with them, we experienced how little food they had—and of what poor quality—even now two years after the war was over. We listened to their stories of the London bombings, and witnessed the devastation for ourselves as we drove through streets still piled high with rubble and the remains of demolished buildings. Just now I have finished a book about Great Britain in the first years of the war entitled The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson. I recommend it as an inspiring read in this moment of challenge in our own times.

By now, I was sixteen years old, and had spent the whole of my childhood and early adulthood in an economic depression, a war, and the aftermath of the war. The fear and darkness of our present time have called up these few memories of sadness and anxiety from my youth. But they are not truly representative of what occupies my mind today when I think of my childhood. It is memories of the light in life that are the strongest ones, and most often in my mind. I am reminded that we make a decision in every moment of what we choose to let our minds dwell on. In the words of the psychologist, Dan Baker, “We don’t describe the world we see. We see the world we describe.”

If we want to have happy lives, it is important to remember this truth and so I want to mention what I think of first when I remember my childhood. It is the games that my brother and I played indoors and out: cards all over the living room floor, depicting airplanes or routes for cars to follow through; Tinker Toy and Lincoln Log constructions; wooden bird houses made with the jigsaw, hammer, and nails; and paint in our basement workshop. Outside we dammed up the streams in the woods by our house with mud, leaves, and stones to make “lakes” for rafts and boats of sticks and “villages” of rocks, peopled with imaginary characters who had adventures of all kinds. We built tree houses in trees on a hill by our house, read books there, drew and sketched the landscape, and “spied” on the activities of the adults below us. All was exploration, imagination, and earnest activity of the kind that children thrive on. I don’t remember the adults being present at any such time, but perhaps they were watching from afar.

I do remember my mother reading to us every day, though: Bible stories, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, Treasure Island and other classics, books about heroes of all kinds, and a series about young boys and girls surviving through hardship. I remember that my favorite of the latter was entitled Rough and Ready. My mother also told us stories of her own childhood—one of hardship—but nevertheless one that had a happy ending, as we could see for ourselves that she was happy in her love for our father and for ourselves.

One of my mother’s stories had a lasting impression on me. She told me the story she’d been told about my grandmother giving birth to her, her first child, all by herself, while my grandfather rushed from their farmhouse through the night with his horse and buggy to fetch the doctor some miles away.

(When later I asked my grandmother how she managed what seemed so frightening to me, as a child who thought she wanted twelve—yes TWELVE—children of her own when she grew up, my grandmother said in these exact words, “I always figured that I could do whatever my mother had done.”)

I have said that my mother described her life as one of hardship. That was, in part, because her early life was filled with the hard work of a farm household in those days: washing, drying, making and mending clothes, cleaning, sweeping and scrubbing floors, cooking, baking, canning and preparing food, growing vegetables, milking cows, and tending to chickens.

Mother even had picked cotton in the fields of Oklahoma for a year. Grandfather took the family there because his sister claimed to be having success drilling for oil. After a few years of no oil, and, I am certain, harassing by my grandmother (she was a strong person), the family returned to Ohio and my grandfather went to work for the National Cash Register Co. (NCR). Every spring he would talk about the crops in the farms outside Dayton and how high the corn was growing. Once I asked him if he missed his farming days. He said in a wistful voice, “It was never the same after we started using tractors.” Clearly, he and his horse, ploughing the fields together in solitude and quiet, had been important to him.

These are real events of the past that happened during my childhood, but events in themselves are not the lasting part of anyone’s life. It is the intangibles that accompany events that are lasting. It is the intangibles of life—love, courage, optimism, a sense of freedom—that see us through life’s challenges and give us a glimpse of a deeper level of reality than we can ever fully comprehend or articulate. It is these intangibles that my parents managed to make real for my brother and me as children. Somehow in our home there was always a prevailing mood of energy and confidence, a feeling of  “We can do this.” The result was that we were not afraid to grow up. The world to us appeared as an exciting place, full of possibilities. We felt, too, that we had a part to play in it that was ours alone, with its own tasks and challenges to face. I think that my parents accomplished this solid base for us in our childhood by recognizing that adults cannot give any quality or knowledge to children directly, trying to shove it into the mind and soul from the outside.

Churchill said it best when he was praised for giving the British people courage in the first year of World War II. He replied that he had not given them courage. Rather, he had helped them to find their own courage, implying that it was there all the time, waiting for them to discover it.

So it is for all of us as parents—and teachers, too—to understand that our role is to help our children discover within themselves their God-given gifts of the human intellect and spirit, their curiosity and thirst for knowledge about the world, their ability to love and forgive others (as well as themselves), and above all, and especially in the darkest of times, to rouse the courage and optimism within them. You are bringing these intangibles—this deeper level of reality—into your homes for yourselves and your children in these times of significant stress: by not expecting too much of yourselves or others, including your own children; creating homes where kindness and patience prevail; and where appreciation for our lives and the lives of others is expressed by word and action.

As the American philosopher and psychologist William James (who had much influence on Maria Montessori) has written, “The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” I feel this deep appreciation for each of you as parents who are helping us to build a school community worthy of the children entrusted to us at Forest Bluff. I am also filled with admiration and appreciation for all of those who in this most trying time are showing the greatest possible dedication, energy, and ingenuity in meeting the needs of our special community: our Forest Bluff Directors, Head of School, other members of our leadership team, classroom assistants, and our office and maintenance personnel (Cindy, Trish, and Steve). And to our children, my appreciation and love know no bounds. Just as Montessori said, you are truly “the hope and promise of humankind.”

Let us use this present opportunity to spend our time and energies in devotion to our children, helping them to understand that life expects much of each of us but that with God’s help, we have the courage to meet its ongoing challenges. In these most difficult times, the intangibles within us enable us to grow in the knowledge and love of our world and human life within it, and thus travel through darkness into the Light.

God bless you and your children, and know you are in my prayers and are part of my heart forever.           

Submitted by Margaret Kelley

Parents across the country were given a new job this month, with no warning and no training. Because of nationwide school closings, home school is now a reality for families. This has been jarring, upsetting, confusing, and overwhelming for many households. Parents with no plans to enter the educational field now feel responsible for their children’s school experience. Even I, a Montessori trained teacher with three years of experience in the classroom, never had this job in mind. In fact, two months ago, I said, verbatim, “The only way my children would ever be homeschooled is if someone else homeschooled them.”

Obviously, the universe had other plans.

What I have to my advantage right now are my Montessori trainings and my classroom experience. But what may be unexpected for most people is that I am not using this experience to help me teach my children. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I am not worried about their academics. If they want to do a research paper on black holes, then that is their business, but if they want to do puzzles, write stories, bake, and read, then I am happy with that.

What my Montessori teaching experience has given me is a way to conduct myself and manage my children during our “home school” mornings. (I put the home school in quotations, because my seven-year-old recently referred to it as “fake school,” and I couldn’t find a reason to argue with her). For most of my children’s lives, I’ve worn a “Mom” hat. But, in order for our mornings to go (somewhat) smoothly, I’ve need to put on my “Montessori teacher” hat. And while, on the one hand, I am always myself with them, this hat reminds me of some practices I can engage in order to help our mornings feel productive and peaceful for all.

So, what happens when I wear a Montessori teacher hat? What behaviors and expectations do I utilize?

Montessori Teacher Practices

Prepare the Environment

One of the first things we learn to do in the Montessori training is to prepare our children’s environment. At school, this means organizing the materials on low shelves; having paper, pencils, and other supplies available where children can reach them; and generally creating a room where the children can function independently without a lot of extra support from their teachers. At home, this looks a little different, but many of the principles remain the same.

Look around your home and do your best to make it a place where your children can work independently. Put their work, toys, supplies, and snacks within their reach. Put up the materials and food that you do not want them getting into. Make sure they know where everything they need is. Reduce the activities available to an appropriate number for your child so that they aren’t overwhelmed, and so that they can clean up mostly on their own. Every home environment will look different according to your own family and needs, but your goal is to promote independence and positive choices by reducing obstacles and distracting activities. (See an earlier blog post about helping children develop concentration at home)

Observe

Another basic tenet of the Montessori training is observation. Observation is an integral part of the Montessori method. Maria Montessori herself was a trained medical doctor, and used the scientific approach in all of her work. To truly observe is to watch what your children are doing without emotion or biases.

When you can utilize this skill in observation, you can come to a better understanding of why something is happening, what your child might need, or what needs to happen next. In our Montessori training, we are taught that the first thing we need to do when we encounter a problem in the classroom is to observe. This means that we take notes, physically or mentally, and we watch how it unfolds. What seems to precede it? Is this child truly frustrated or are they just struggling and are about to figure this out? Does this tend to happen at a certain time of day? Does this tend to happen in a certain area in their environment?

Earlier today, a parent asked me about a home school activity--she wanted to know if it was appropriate for the morning’s work. My first response to her was: Observe. How do they act while they are doing it? Do they clean it up on their own after? How do they act afterwards? Are they calm and content? Can they make their own choices about what to do next?

We can answer so many answers on our own, if we give our mind the time and space to see our children for who they really are and what is really going on for them at any given moment. By using observation, our children themselves can tell us what is working and what we might try next.

Connect, Not Teach

Even in the Montessori environment, teachers do not think of themselves as “teaching” concepts. We connect the children to the materials, and the children teach themselves through the materials. There is a famous story in Montessori where someone asked a six-year-old, “Who taught you to read?” She answered, “I taught myself, of course!”

The world teaches our children much better than we can. Our children teach themselves much better than we can. It is not our job as parents to teach our children, even at home school. Human beings are born with amazing intrinsic motivation for work and acquisition for knowledge. How else would we have created civilization, if not with an inborn desire for this? I do not need to convince or force them to learn. I just need to find a way to light their inner flame.

Given this trust I have in their own inner drives, I look for ways to connect my children to activities, rather than teaching or forcing. For my five-year-old, it has helped when I have done an activity in front of her. “Do you want to watch me write a story?” I asked her. Then I wrote a simple story very slowly in front of her: “The dog went out. He barked at a man. I picked him up.” I read it out loud to myself, smiled in a satisfied way, and drew a simple picture to go with the story. Before I even stood up, she was hustling to the paper cabinet to make her own story.

I take a similar approach for my seven-year-old. I do not want to be heavy-handed, or I will take over the ownership of her education. “I wonder how many houses on our block are blue,” I said to her. “I wonder how many are white. I wonder what the most popular color is. Do you know what a survey is?” I asked her. In this case, she did know, and she eagerly set off for an independent walk around the block, where she recorded house colors and took note of how many of each color she spotted.

We marveled at her results and then I said, “It is sort of hard to see what the most popular colors are. Do you know what a bar graph is?” I started to show her, and she hastily took over the paper. “I’ve seen people in my class doing that,” she said. And she completed it on her own.

Sometimes my musings and examples do not go as well. Sometimes my children want to grumble and do nothing. But if they are going to get excited about work on their own, it is always because I found a subtle way to inspire them by means of curiosity or example. It never comes from my demands or instruction. Connecting them to their world remains our best avenue for productive activity.

Speak With Authority

This is as simple as “say it like you mean it,” but it is surprisingly hard. It took me most of my first year as a teacher to learn how to speak directly and firmly to the children. By my nature, I prefer to be in conversation with people. I prefer reading how they are interpreting what I am saying, checking in on how they feel, and seeking approval. All of this is adaptive and positive for my relationships with adults, but with children it weakened their confidence in me. Every time I made a statement in the form of a question, or said “Okay?” at the end of a request, I eroded my authority.

While it is true that we are equals in dignity and humanity, it also is true that I am older and wiser. And while I want to show my children respect and kindness, I also want them to feel secure knowing that I am the adult so that they can be the children. They have confidence when I have confidence. I can say to them, “No, we aren’t going outside right now.” And then, “I don’t have time to talk about the reason now, but I can tell you later if you ask me.” They may resist and grumble, but ultimately, and through my consistency, they learn that they can trust me to make good decisions for our family.

I do not, of course, always talk like this to my children. We are often in conversation, making suggestions, asking questions, and making decisions. But I have this voice to fall back on when I need to make my point. My grandmother Paula Polk Lillard calls this “the unapologetic no.” It’s the way you say “No” when you know that you are in charge, and you are capable of making the best possible decisions for everyone involved. When you believe, they can believe too.

Freedom and Responsibility

Many people think of Montessori as, “That school where children can do whatever they want.” This is both true and not true. Children have the freedom to make positive and productive choices of work. They have the freedom to have time to reflect. They do not, however, have the freedom to be destructive, distracting, or disruptive. And they do not have the freedom to avoid work for extended periods of time. A child’s freedom expands and contracts along with their capacity for responsibility on a given day.

I use the same principles in our home. When my children are capable of responsibility and self-regulation, they have more freedom, as well as the privileges that go along with that freedom. They may make their own work choices in the morning, they may go on a walk around the block without me, they may listen to audiobooks in the afternoon, and they may explore baking in the kitchen.

When I see that they are having trouble directing themselves and being responsible, their freedom shrinks, and, in those moments, I lend them my discipline. I invite them to do their work next to me. I give them two choices of activities, in the hopes that making one limited choice and then having the positive experience of that work will help to regulate them. As I see their responsibility growing, their freedom increases. And, if today is a day when they need to borrow my discipline, then I will keep them close to me, and limit their choices for the time being. Tomorrow is another day!

Final Thoughts

None of this is magic. None of this is easy. None of this works every time. And there are some days when it feels like nothing works. There are some days when I have to excuse myself to the bathroom and cry. There are some days where I don’t make it to the bathroom before I start crying, and all we do is run around outside and listen to audiobooks and try to be kind to each other even though it is hard.

None of us were prepared for this. Parents, teachers, children, doctors, nurses, and the hundreds of other jobs that have changed suddenly with these extraordinary times. But human beings are extraordinary, too. We are going to learn things about ourselves, our neighbors, and our families that we never imagined. We will wear many hats during this time, and even while we struggle with the worst in ourselves, we will also find the best. This is a time for patience, kindness, and letting our hearts open to the possibilities inside of ourselves and the world.

Submitted by Margaret Kelley

This is not easy. It is not easy for anyone. The governor of Illinois, and governors across the country, have called for a “stay at home” order, whereby families and individuals need to stay at home except for essential errands. Schools, state parks, playgrounds, and non-essential businesses are closed. Social gatherings of any kind are prohibited. This is not a time to be thinking about being productive, scheduled, or perfect. There is no right way to do “this.” In fact, the harder you try to do it right, the more likely you are to burn yourself out emotionally and physically. You are home with your small children. They are not going to school (or anywhere, really), and the world feels like an uncertain place.

Now is the time for grace. Grace for others and for yourself. It is the time for compassion, flexibility, and kindness. We do not know when life will return to normal again, or what exactly that normal will look like. The way we care for our families, our days, and ourselves needs to be sustainable. It will require effort over an extended period of time.

In this spirit, it is important to be intentional now about our own self-care and the rhythm of our days at home. By keeping these thoughts at the front of our minds, we can work to maintain energy and optimism during these trying times.

Self-Care

In my experience, good parenting requires taking advantage of the self-care we have available to us at any given time. In this indefinite period of isolation, we do not have our usual options and support for doing this. Social distancing has drastically affected our day-to-day experiences. We need to think creatively and graciously about what we actually can do, given these constraints. Simplification and self-compassion will come before all of our usual self-care habits.

Everyone’s recipe for self-care is going to look different, but some common ingredients are: Exercise, the outdoors, good food, reflection, and connection with family and friends. If we have time to take advantage of all of these in one day, then that is wonderful! But even if we only have time for one, or a part of one, it still will make a difference in our overall well-being. We can try writing a list of things we can do for ourselves and then be intentional about doing at least one per day. We can carve out a moment in the morning before little ones are out of bed, or set aside time during nap or rest time. We can swap with our spouses, even just for 20 minutes, so we each get time to do what we need to do to fill ourselves up. I find it helps if I put my exercise clothes on when I first wake up so that I can take advantage of the first 20 minutes of relief I get in a day to stretch or workout.

Now is not the time to feel guilty about doing what is necessary to care for our emotional well-being. We can take a break from the news for a day or two, go on a walk while our spouses help our children with breakfast, take a nap while our children do the nap, and set up a time when we are “unavailable” while we call a good friend. Our children did not need us for 24 hours a day before we all got stuck at home, and they do not need us for 24 hours a day now either! Of course, the younger they are, the more supervision and attention they require, but now is a time to work towards just a little more independence than whatever we have now. Those extra minutes that they occupy themselves are all precious and okay to enjoy!

Our self-care provides a source of energy for our well-being. Our well-being matters. Children, especially the youngest children, are barometers for our own emotional state. Perhaps because they are still emerging from a non-verbal state, they are so sensitive to all of our physical and physiological cues. This means that our tension and our anxiety both become a part of our children’s immediate environment. Whatever steps we can take to defuse that is beneficial to our whole household, and this is the crux of self-care.

None of this is to say that it is not okay to show your child that you are sad or scared. These are normal parts of the whole human experience! It is okay to cry, to be anxious, and to lose your temper. The important part is that you recover from these states and show your child that you have regained your equilibrium with your words and your actions. A healthy self-care routine will allow you to stabilize more readily, which is good for your children, as well as your own mental state.

Note: The rest of this post is written with parents of young children in mind, but parents with children of all ages may find it useful, or at least interesting!

Finding a Rhythm

When I think about being home with the youngest children, I like to use the word “rhythm” rather than “schedule.” I think that an over-emphasis on a schedule can create stress and a feeling of failing whenever I do not meet the exact times and goals that I set out for myself. With endless time stretched out before us, our goal can be to settle into a rhythm that meets the needs of everyone in the household, and is developmentally appropriate for our youngest children.

The rhythm that we find is not entirely adult-directed, nor is it entirely child-directed. Maria Montessori said, “Follow the child,” and to this end, we can consider what we know about our children’s pace, capability, and needs as we sort out how to make the most of our days. As we experiment with Practical Life work, art projects, building games, and going outside, we may find that there are different times of the day when children are more receptive to activities than others. Perhaps the morning invites more time for independence as they are most rested from a night of sleep. And perhaps the afternoon is the best time for going outdoors, as their bodies are yearning for fresh air and big movement near the end of the day.

If children are resisting the same thing every day, we can step back and consider a way to work around it. Maybe they need time looking at books before they participate in cleaning the kitchen. Maybe they want to start by doing work with their parent’s attention, and then have their parent disappear into the background as their own interest and work ethic takes over.

I recently spoke to the mother of two young children about how she is (loosely) structuring during days under social-distancing. No routine is prescriptive for every family, so this is merely meant as a suggestion. Every family needs to establish their own routine based on their individual family’s needs. She told me:

"In the morning, my children (ages 2 and 4), wake up and read books in bed. They join me downstairs when they are ready for breakfast. We eat breakfast slowly, talking and telling stories. Afterwards, one will usually help me clean up while the other plays under my feet. They help for as long as they are interested. Once the kitchen is clean, we usually start on a baking or cooking project together, which I invite them to but do not require. They help with the parts they can, and then one might drift off to find something else to do. After our project is over, we either read books together or go for a walk. We have lunch around the same time every day, and then it’s nap and quiet time. After quiet time, we have a snack together, and then we go outside if we haven’t done that already. When we are ready to come in, they usually will want to play with their blocks and animals, or else we set up some opportunities for artwork—painting, drawing, gluing—or Practical Life. If it’s nice, we may even go back outside! Then it’s time for dinner, which I have either prepped in the morning with them, or I invite them to help me prepare now. If they are tired and having trouble being independent, now can be a good time for music or a simple audiobook. Or else I can set them up at the sink with water and dishes. They are always happy when water is involved! We have dinner together, a prolonged bathtime, and then it’s time for pajamas and bed."

A routine may look something like this, and it may look nothing like this, and that is okay! The purpose in sharing this is to give a sense of how to structure a rhythm that has flexibility built into it, rather than a schedule that makes a parent feel bound to it.

Trouble-Shooting

On any day there will be plenty of ups and downs! Children may fight with each other, resist naps and quiet time, resist activities, encroach on parents’ work and self-care time, and generally act like young children. There is no solution that will work for every child every time, but here are some ideas for when these arise:

Siblings Fighting

Solutions for this problem vary greatly depending on the ages and personalities of the children involved. The first and most important step is accepting that siblings arguing is normal and good! They are learning that other people have needs, they are learning that they cannot have everything they want, they are learning how to communicate, and they are learning how to argue and make up. Just because they are fighting, does not mean something is wrong! Once we can acknowledge that fighting is normal, we can ask whether their disagreements are something that is a problem for them, or are they just a problem for us! I used to respond to my children’s fighting with a hair trigger nerve. I hate conflict! And I felt like it needed to be resolved. But once I could take a step back and see that no one was being (badly) hurt emotionally or physically, I could give my children more space to work it out on their own. If it was bothering me, I could just step into another room. I was amazed at what they worked out for themselves.

When the fighting does become intolerable or unacceptable, it can be wise to give everyone a break from one another for a short period of time. This is not a punishment—it’s just a chance to take a breath! This may mean everyone playing in their rooms for a few minutes, or giving the older child some space while the adult occupies the younger child. We also can set up different work stations in the house for children, allowing each to protect their space as an area to be on their own. Similarly, if there is one particular object that tends to become a source of conflict, it may be wise to give everyone a break from that toy. This can be done in a positive way: “Everyone loves the doll with brown hair. I am going to put her in the closet for a little bit while we find a way that you can both play with her peacefully.” Then turn to another activity for a while.

Resisting Naps and Quiet Time

There can be many reasons that a little one is resisting naps. Sometimes they are overtired because they are not getting enough sleep at night, sometimes nap is starting too late or too early, sometimes they are overstimulated by activities that came before naptime, and sometimes they are distracted by too many toys and books in their room. Parents can experiment with all of these variables as they figure out the reason their particular child is resisting.

We used quiet time in our house to replace nap time once our children outgrew that, so that I could get a break in the afternoon, and so that our children could have time to rest and recuperate from the morning. Building in time for rest and reflection is an important life habit. For our family, quiet time means playing or reading quietly in your room for at least one hour after lunch. Some families choose to restrict this to only reading, and some families allow children to play quietly in other areas of the house. These guidelines will be unique to every family. If a child is new to quiet time, they can start with a short amount—maybe 15 minutes—and then work up to an hour over time. Expectations must be clear before quiet time begins, along with desirable (and reasonable) plans for what will happen after a successful quiet time—perhaps baking cookies or a walk in the woods.

Resisting Activities

What to do when little ones resist activities? The truth is that before the age of 6, and certainly before the age of 3, it is very hard for a child to do something they do not want to do. It is far more important that they learn to inhibit bad actions (hitting, yelling, spitting) than that they do exactly what a parent tells them to do exactly when they say to do it. If they are refusing to engage in an activity that a parent suggests, we can first ask ourselves, “Is this necessary? Do they really need to sweep with us?” The answer is “Probably not.” In these cases, it is best for us to let them choose something they do want to do, and invite them again at a later time.

Of course, there are some actions that we really do expect them to do: Perhaps clear their place at the table, or try to sit on the potty. For these kinds of cases, we can set up a logical chain of events that we know they will want to participate in. “We can read books together after you clear your plate. You can do it when you are ready.” Or, “We will play outside after you sit on the potty. It’s okay if you don’t go. All you have to do is sit. You can do it when you are ready.” By creating these chains of events, you remove the confrontation. They have a choice to make, and their lives will be better if they make the “right” choice!

Encroaching on Work and Self-Care Time

Again, solutions to this problem vary greatly depending on children’s ages and personalities, as well as the needs of the adults at this time. In homes where both parents are trying to work during this time under the “stay at home” order, with children at home and no child-care, I would use one of my favorite parenting phrases, “Surviving is thriving.” Finding ways to get work done with very young children around is a near impossible situation, and, again, grace and flexibility is bound to be a large part of these solutions. Parents working as a team, working in shifts, swapping in and out, and being creative and adaptable are of the utmost importance.

Babies need constant supervision, as well as a great deal of attention. If a littlest one always wants to be in their parents’ arms or engaged, the parent can start working slowly towards a little more independence. This means that when the baby is playing with a toy, the parent can be nearby but working on something else. When the baby starts to fuss, do not pick them up right away. See if they can settle a bit before picking them up. In this way, the baby can gradually build up stamina for being in their own company.

As children get a little older, they develop a better understanding for when the adult is not available. It is okay not to respond to a child’s every beck and call! A parent can say, “I love you and I am here for you if there is an emergency, but right now I am not available. I will be with you again in 10 minutes.” In this way, a child can come to understand that adults have lives and needs too. They feel safe and loved in their house knowing that their needs are met. Constant attention does not equate with security.

Activity Ideas

Practical Life

• Set up a cleaning kit for your children and invite them to clean different areas of the house (walls, door knobs, windows, chairs, tables)
• Put a little water in the sink and give them (not very breakable) dishes and kitchen utensils to clean for as long as they want
• Find a crock pot recipe with a lot of vegetables and invite them to help you prepare the vegetables, dump the ingredients in the pot, and turn it on
• A pouring activity: set up a few small pitchers or cups with a little water in them; show your little one how to practice pouring the water from one container to another
• A spooning activity: set up two small bowls with a spoon; put a small amount of dried rice or beans in one bowl; show your child how to spoon the dried goods from one bowl to the other

Art

• Set up gluing activities with different kinds of shapes that you rotate every few days or weekly (butterflies, flowers, leaves, circles, clouds)
• Make your own play-dough and use it
• Paper weaving (cutting strips of paper and then weaving them together to make decorations)
• Use an easel or large piece of paper taped to the table for painting

Language

• Go on a walk and talk about the different color houses
• Make a set of color cards with cardstock and markers (Red, blue, yellow, green, purple, orange, white, black, brown); lay out the cards and then name the color and carry each card to something in the house that matches the color; play again, only this time, bring something to the mat that matches the color
• For children who are learning their numbers: Make a set of cards with numbers on them (start with just 1, 2, 3); lay them on a rug or table; go into the house and choose one item to place next to the number one, two similar items to place next to the number two, etc.
• Give them instructions for something to find in the yard—a green leaf, three rocks, two pinecones, etc.

Final Thoughts

During this time, one of the most important things we can do for ourselves that falls under the category of self-care and finding a rhythm is simplify. Now is not the time for us to create a home that replicates school, it is not time to worry about our children’s academics, and now is not the time to try to figure out the right way to do it. There is no right way. The most important thing we can give our children right now is ourselves—our presence, our stability, our calm. If we can find little ways to care for ourselves and guide our families into a rhythm that provides security, then we can be that safe place for our children. And our home will sustain them as we navigate these times.

More than a century after Dr. Maria Montessori developed a pedagogy based on her scientific observations of children, Montessori education is still considered a revolutionary approach, with its multi-age classrooms, self-directed learning, specially prepared environments, and sensorial materials. Perhaps the most revolutionary thing about Montessori education is its end goal: to allow for the optimal development—intellectual, physical, social, and emotional—of the whole child. This ambitious aim was the driving force behind Dr. Montessori’s life’s work, and a growing body of educational research now supports much of what she knew to be true through her own observations: Children thrive in academic and non-academic ways when given freedom and responsibilities in an environment that has been prepared according to their developmental needs.

While studies have shown Montessori students to outperform their non-Montessori counterparts on measures of academic skills, social skills, creativity, and executive function, the research on Montessori suggests that its effectiveness is largely dependent on the fidelity of implementation. At a time when the demand for Montessori education is growing, it is helpful to have resources that allow parents and educators to better understand what an authentic Montessori education looks like. One such resource is Paula Polk Lillard’s book Montessori Today: A Comprehensive Approach to Education from Birth to Adulthood, which provides readers with a glimpse inside authentic Montessori classrooms and explains the philosophy, principles, and rationale of the approach. Covering topics such as the role of the Montessori teacher, the classroom environment, the Planes of Development, and the Great Lessons, Lillard bridges the theoretical underpinnings of the approach with its practical implementation across ages.

For parents and educators who seek to engage in deeper conversation and/or thought about the topics presented in Montessori Today, there is now a Discussion Guide to accompany the book. The guide uses quotes from the text and thought-provoking questions to encourage readers to examine their own educational experiences and beliefs about child development and education. By inviting readers to relate to the Montessori approach from a personal standpoint, the guide provides an accessible way for readers to think about and discuss the foundational tenets and core characteristics of an education designed to meet the needs of the whole child.

We encourage parents and educators to download the Montessori Today Discussion Guide and use it for individual reflection as well as small group discussion. Whether you are an educator looking to engage parents in meaningful discussion about Montessori education, a student considering a career in Montessori education, or a parent exploring Montessori for your child, the Discussion Guide can serve as a useful tool for reflection.

Submitted by Paula Lillard Preschlack

Diversity is Strength

We think different things when we hear the word diversity. Some may think of variety in skin color or socioeconomic backgrounds, others may think of different languages or cultures. Whatever your family, community, or school is like, understanding and embracing diversity and building connections between people is imperative. I am not an expert on diversity but will share how I believe Dr. Montessori’s approach guides and helps children to appreciate and value human diversity. 

Consider what diversity means. In nature, we see that diversity indicates strength and balance: In a prairie for example, diversity among plants and animals creates a healthier, sustainable system, making them more resilient to environmental changes. Beyond being beautiful to look at, a diversity of prairie flowers is more attractive to the insects and wildlife these plants depend upon. In short, plants and animals work symbiotically to make a stronger ecosystem, able to withstand adversity and capable of sustaining life over many generations.

With human beings, this is true as well. When diverse peoples come together over a common cause, the symbiosis of their ideas reaches improved solutions. In The Innovator’s DNA: Mastering the Five Skills of Disruptive Innovators,Jeff Dyer, Hal Gregersen, and Clayton Christensen found that innovators get their ideas from interacting closely with people who think and behave differently from how they themselves think or behave. In other words, we cannot come up with new solutions if we do not associate, question, observe, network, and experiment. This means that getting together with people who are different from oneself, and sharing what is different, is imperative to building compassion, solving problems, and fostering creativity.

This is exactly what happens in Montessori classrooms every day. Children are encouraged, by the Montessori approach, to be open to new ideas, to seek to understand one another’s perspectives, and to see the value of synergy. In a Montessori classroom, students make associations between subjects and topics; they ask questions constantly, embodying the Socratic method in every learning opportunity. Our students learn to observe first, and to look and to think, during their three-hour uninterrupted work periods every morning. They network with each other by interacting and finding out what one another is thinking. And they experiment as they create, whether it be with a Montessori material they have just been shown, or when testing an idea they’ve come up with.

Montessori's Approach

The cooperation of peoples working together was championed by Dr. Maria Montessori. Her educational philosophy and the lectures she gave around the world reflected her deep belief in the universality of human beings and the importance of working together in harmony. (She was so committed to this belief that she referred to herself as a “citizen of the world”—not wanting to be defined by a single creed, nation, or religion—and requested that her final resting place be wherever she happened to die, as a demonstration of the universality of her educational philosophy. Montessori is buried in the seaside village of Noordwijk in the Netherlands, where she died at the age of 81 while staying at a friend’s home.)    

Montessori had realistic ideas and a deliberate plan for how teachers could help children to develop a spirit of inclusion within their own classrooms. In Education and Peace, Dr. Montessori wrote, “Peace is a goal that can be attained only through common accord, and…establishing peace is the work of education. We must convince the world of the need for a universal, collective effort to build the foundation for peace” (p. 24). Being open to diverse peoples and differing ideas begins by practicing these behaviors in one’s immediate community, as a child.

To help children understand that human beings are stronger when they work together, Montessori first establishes—“How are we alike?” This context, established from the beginning, is that we are all, first, human beings, no matter where or when we were born, what our customs or religious practices are, or how we may look. Children develop a sense of closeness, respect, and identity with each other as fellow human beings.

Dr. Montessori noticed that when children follow this line of thought, their own awareness and appreciation of others emerge, and they delight in finding differences. This way, diversity is a discovery of “Wow, look at that amazing way these peoples have found to meet their own human needs, in a different environment, culture, or religion.” They have a feeling of familiarity before they examine differentiation.

The Montessori Materials and Presentations

One of the ways this occurs is through the context of accounting for the whole world. When children are three years old, for instance, they hold their classrooms’ small globes in their hands, and learn the names of the oceans and the continents. They learn the names of the countries of the world on the large, colorful puzzle maps, tenderly placing each piece in its place and saying the names that are so interesting and beautiful: Mozambique, Pakistan, Guatemala. In these first, impressionable years of their lives, the Montessori children fall in love with the world and its words. They look at photographs of peoples from around the world in the Geography Folders and absorb the numerous ways of dressing, the different geographical settings of desert or jungle, and see the animals that live in various climates. These images all sink into their unconscious, absorbent minds in a stage of acceptance and enthusiasm for sounds and sights, before they have any cultural prejudice or hesitations to act on.

In the elementary classroom, children ages six to twelve learn about the earliest humans in context of the creation of the earth and the evolution of life forms. They ponder and discuss how the first humans must have lived, what challenges they must have faced, and how they must have worked together to survive. The love that bound humans together in cooperative relationship to one another, the hands they could use to build tools, and their minds that could think, create, and imagine, are emphasized by the teacher to guide the children in their own wondering and questions. The students learn about the Fundamental Needs of human beings (food, shelter, transportation, defense, clothing, artistic and spiritual expression) by asking questions and following their curiosity. In their explorations and research, elementary children discover the different, clever ways that human beings meet these universal needs. Students look at the clothing, shelters, or foods of each culture with the eye of appreciation for humans’ collective fundamental needs.

Interestingly, we rarely hear reactions of “Eeewww,” even when the children find that in some cultures, people eat very different things, such as insects. Instead, it is more common to hear “Wow…I wonder what that is like!” There is an openness and a connection made by the realization that first, we are all human beings. A Montessori child thinks, “That person is a human being just like me. He developed tastes for foods as a child, just like me. He gets food from what is available around him, finds shelter from what is available, clothes himself in ways that protect him against the climate or to express his beliefs in the supernatural. By doing these things, he looks and acts differently from me. How fascinating—I want to know more!”

Religions and Celebrations

One area of finding similarities and differences is in spiritual and customary practices. In Montessori, exploring religions and cultures is part of the curriculum all year round. This is directed by the children’s curiosity. Their explorations of religions and customs connect to any area of the classroom.

For example, at Forest Bluff School this fall, students were invited, by their classmates, to learn about Diwali traditions and participate in celebrations. Some students generously taught their friends how to make rangoli, a traditional Indian art form that is made during Diwali and other Hindu festivals to symbolize good fortune and divine blessings. They invited classmates to light the candles in the beautiful brass diya in the school’s entranceway. Each day of Diwali, groups of children gathered and took turns lighting the candles. When acknowledging spiritual life in this fashion, a respectful hush falls over the children. They are pensive and observant. They respect one another.

Such spontaneous experiences differ from teacher presentations. In other settings, teachers may give a prescribed lesson to the entire class about a religion or culture; What we see, by contrast, is an intimate act of children learning from one another, in friendship and companionship. This personalization leads to a lasting openness for other cultures and a willingness to connect and identify with peoples around the world.

Montessori children likewise delight in learning about the history and customs of Jewish friends who celebrate Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Students are curious about their own heritages and those of their classmates. This evolves into many explorations and studies when the children reach their elementary years.

When Eid and Ramadan come around, children are eager to learn about their Muslim friends’ beliefs as well. Sometimes a teacher will begin the conversation by reading a book to the children about a religious celebration, and other times the children begin the discussion themselves. Sometimes a topic takes on a life of its own and the children pursue it in depth, and at other times, an event may only generate a little interest. But the children learn more each year as the calendar brings religious events and customary celebrations into view, again and again. The children love to learn the stories that belong to each religious event and the symbolism that corresponds with each.

Interestingly, when the topic of diversity is approached with this inclusion-first orientation that Montessori proposed, children notice the similarities between different religions very quickly. We see them point to what religions have in common:

-extended-family gatherings
-roles of respect for elders or special roles for certain family members
-candlelight
-sweets, special foods
-certain colors to symbolize something
-singing and/or dancing
-helping those less fortunate
-expressions of gratitude
-love and peace

The children delight in this realization: Major religions share so much in common! From this commonality, they then become fascinated by the specific differences that give each celebration or religion its character. Each one is special.

We find different ways to embrace different religions. This is an evolving process, one that never ends. For example, this year we learned Hanukkah songs and started to sing them with the children when talking about Hanukkah. Children in one classroom celebrated Diwali together by having a special lunch one day. At Christmas time, our school has a tradition of singing three Christmas hymns and Dona Nobis Pacem, a non-denominational song with Latin text that means “Grant us peace.” Students who are agnostic, atheist, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Bahá’í, Buddhist, and Jewish gather together in our hallway for this event. It is a treasured moment where our school enjoys a harmonious feeling of togetherness, one that transcends all religions and differences.

In all of their singing, creating artwork, reading books, and learning together about religions and customs, the children share an appreciation for one another’s heritage and practices with a reverent tone. For anyone who hopes for a better world, seeing children take such interest and respect for one another’s differences is deeply moving. When speaking of war and strife, Dr. Montessori said, “An education capable of saving humanity is no small undertaking; it involves the spiritual development of man, the enhancement of his value as an individual, and the preparation of young people to understand the times in which they live” (p. 30 Education and Peace).

Diversity in Topics of Study

Children are naturally curious. Because Montessori children are free to choose topics of interest to research, there is great diversity in their work as well. Montessori’s collaborative educational approach makes room for intellectual diversity because there isn’t a predetermined curriculum that everyone must get through in a designated amount of time. If children want to investigate a language, religion, culture, or custom, there is encouragement, time, and space for that to happen. If they want to extend their learning further by planning to go out to see more—to the Dusable Museum of African American History, the Field Museum’s exhibits on various ancient cultures, or the Art Institute’s various exhibits from around the world—they can do so. The opportunities are limitless! When they do this, children find great value and meaning in these excursions because each is a personal quest, rather than an assignment from someone else’s agenda.

Unique Individuals Make Up Communities

Children in Montessori learn to look for the connections between any “us” and any “them” to find first what makes everyone human beings, before examining what makes us different. In the end, what makes us different might be the most important part of a relationship. For instance, when a child stands up for what he or she believes in, they are brave for being different. Becoming a community of different individuals is what makes us like a healthy prairie, one that grows together and synergizes for strength. 

Appreciation for diversity is the result of inclusion. First, we must include, in order to gain proximity for understanding and fostering relationships as individuals. By beginning with inclusion and emphasizing human similarities, children come to see that they, too, create a beautiful balance in their differences, with respect for the value each person contributes. And most of the time, this all happens unconsciously, until it becomes conscious. Most important of all is that Montessori children develop a natural appreciation and respect for all peoples. This comes from the purity of their young hearts, and through the approach of Montessori education.

Resources

References

Montessori, Maria. (First published 1949). Education and Peace. Vol. 10, The Clio Montessori Series, Montessori-Pierson Publishing Company.

Submitted by Paula Lillard Preschlack

Take a moment to answer these questions for yourself:

What was your experience of reading growing up?
Are you happy with how much or little your children read at home these days?
Do you yourself get to read, ever? As much as you’d like?

Personally, reading is one of my favorite things to do. When I was a child, I was the youngest in a big family with older siblings who weren’t living at home by the time I was six years old. From then on, I was the only child at home with busy, working parents. We lived at the end of a very long driveway off a four-lane road and had no neighbors to speak of. It was me, the woods and fields, some animals, and books—a lot of them. I was obsessed with the dinosaurs that ruled the Jurassic period when I was younger. I would sit in my T-Rex onesie and read about them all day long!

I would play by the hour, creating plot lines and characters with my toys. This imagination was fueled by the stories and illustrations in old classic children’s books that had been handed down to me, and by those my mother brought home for me from the library every Friday. My parents were avid readers, and my mother read all the classics to me before bed every evening. I vividly remember The Secret Garden, Black Beauty, Old Yeller, Little Women, and Treasure Island, to name just a few.

When my husband and I had our own children, we cherished the hours of reading to them every night in bed the way my mother had done for me. Those are some of our most special memories as a family, and this is one of my favorite topics to talk about with other parents. I am a passionate proponent of getting children to read at home.

Why is Reading Important for our Children?

In a world where jobs are increasingly taken over by machines, the qualities that will make our children employable will be those that make them the most “human.” There are things no machines can do as well as a human being, and I’m a firm believer that as a species, we will always crave human connection and keep coming back to it.

One of those human qualities is empathy. When we read a story from a book, we deepen our ability to empathize, to feel the feelings of another soul, to imagine what it must be like to be somebody else. When we hear the words someone else has put together in a unique order that could only belong to that very individual, we think, we imagine, we connect.

Another reason that reading is important is that it requires concentration. Children have to deliberately calm themselves down and focus their attention when reading. Repeatedly doing so fosters the muscles of concentration. Being able to concentrate well is necessary for learning new things, for reflecting, thinking, solving problems creatively, and creating something new.

Reading also nurtures communication skills, as children witness how others use words to form phrases, sentences, paragraphs, chapters, and entire books. So much organizing goes into building a story in words. Children soak this in naturally, by exposure. The more they do this, the better their own communication skills become.

Children also have to build the stamina for longer books where one has to keep track of storylines and characters. They have to really think about what is happening behind the scenes to comprehend and discuss texts in middle school, high school, and college. To do this well, children need practice. The only way to get that practice is by reading—a lot.

Another reason for reading is that students simply cannot “cram” for the language section on standardized tests before they take them for high school or college placements. The results of these tests, whether or not you value them, can determine students’ choices of educational institutions for all of their higher learning. The SSAT, ACT, and SAT have language questions that measure a student’s comprehension of sophisticated texts across subject areas, their understanding of the mechanics (grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure) of writing, and their grasp of rhetorical skills (style, strategy, and organization). The best way to prepare well for such tests is to read a healthy amount of good literature over many, many years.  

Reading also enables our children to build libraries of knowledge in their heads. They educate themselves, in a sense, in ways that no classroom can supplement, on varieties of subjects as their interests evolve over the years.

Finally, reading helps children to build character, morals, and values. Children are faced with the question “Who do I want to be?” Harriet the Spy hurt a lot of feelings, and Little Lord Fauntleroy softened the heart of a grouchy, spiteful old man. Pollyanna was unfailingly cheerful until she herself befell a tragedy, and then eventually accepted the help from all those she had given so much to, when her companions young and old came to pull her up from the depths of her own despair. Children wonder, whether it be spoken or silent, “How would I deal with these situations? What are the options?”

How to Create a Culture of Reading

Now that you’re convinced that reading is important for your children, how can you get it going at home? Here are some suggestions:

Prepare the Space

Set the stage with nooks and inviting places to read.
Surround yourselves with books, and make them accessible to your children.
Remove obstacles, both psychological and physical (loud toys, video games).

Protect the Time

Make “down time” to relax, reflect, and read.
Whether the hour before bed every night or lazy Sunday afternoons, be sure to schedule in time when reading can occur naturally.

Model Reading

Bring a book with you everywhere you go. If you pull a book out of your purse when you have to wait in a line or sit in a waiting room, you will not only be modeling; you will feel calmer, more thoughtful, and be more present for your child and the people around you. This is when we often pull a smartphone/screen out. Try a book for a change. See what happens.
If you have long car rides or commute a lot, try digital books or audiobooks. Electronic bookstores like alKeyTab are often known to have a huge collection of books starting from fictions to non-fiction and everything in between. The best part could be, you do not have to overload your luggage with paperbacks. Instead, you could easily access them from cloud reader and get the same experience as a hardback. About audiobooks, though listening is not the same as reading, it still has many benefits.
Go to the library regularly, and set reading goals for yourself if that helps you get going.

Read Aloud Daily

Read out loud to your children every single day! This is perhaps the most important thing we can do as parents to help our children build a lifetime habit of reading for enjoyment. One common time of day for this daily activity is right before bed. I recommend that even if the family is reading one book together, you also spend time alone with each child, reading aloud. This becomes a very special time when that child gets to connect with you and ask questions. Impromptu conversations, often very important ones, arise. This is one of the main reasons I love the classics so much: the topics that arise when reading them are the gut-level, value building, real stuff of life. You may end up talking about your feelings on lying, stealing, being mean, doing the right thing when it’s hard to do, and even death. During these special times, parents and children bond. We set up the chance to share thoughts and feelings and impart values.

What to read aloud? Anything that you enjoy. Read new award-winners, and look for books about other cultures, races, and religions. Biographies and nonfiction are wonderful, too. But don’t miss out on the classic children’s literature. The classics bring up universal human experiences. That’s what makes them classics. When choosing the right level, read books aloud that are just above your children’s own reading comfort levels to expose them to the cadence, sentence structure, vocabulary, and pronunciation that will flow easily from you, feeding their minds.

Some Considerations when Choosing Reading Content for Children

Youngest Children

Under age six, children need reality and books that help them connect to the real world. They also need support to become independent, integrate their bodies and their minds, and develop self-control and the ability to concentrate. Being read to helps them to develop their own clear language for communication.

Elementary-Aged Children

Children ages six to twelve need to use their imaginations, explore with their minds, and develop their power of reasoning and empathy for others by imagining how others feel. Provide book choices with compelling characters and descriptive worlds that allow children to become immersed in the literature. They need to be able to read and reflect, unrushed! They also benefit from time for creative play and socializing and unstructured time in nature to explore.

Oldest Children

Children ages twelve and older need to be welcomed into adult society, learn to solve their own problems, and have reflective time to ask, “Who am I?” They need to experience that they are needed by groups of people outside of their own families, in the community. We can give them opportunities for tremendous effort, a close-knit group that functions together towards common goals, some quiet time to reflect every day, and a role to play in the adult world. Books that touch upon some of these themes and encourage deep reflection on themselves and the world around them can help adolescents navigate these critical years.

For specific age-appropriate suggestions, see My Favorite Children's Books for read-alouds and Forest Bluff School's Book Lists.

Get to The Most Common Obstacle

If your children aren’t reading as much as you’d like, and you are doing the above things, then check to see whether there is an obstacle in the way. The most common obstacle these days might be in the form of screens. Technology today ishighly attractive to young minds who do not have the judgment that we adults have. Passive entertainment is a big draw. You may think that “educational” content or “how to” YouTube videos are worthwhile for your children. But ponder, “What else would my child be doing with that 30 minutes (or much longer, as is often the case)?” If they might be imagining something they cannot see, empathizing with someone else’s feelings, connecting through language, solving a problem, thinking original thoughts, reflecting on something they just learned, or calming their anxiousness, then they would be better off reading!

For our children, the effect of being entertained with screen time is deeper than it is for us—they are setting patterns for a lifetime. While research is giving us the hopeful news that our brains have plastic qualities all the way into old age, the message is clear: It's hard, hard work to change our brains later in life. Our children are in a precious stage of their lives, and childhood is when they lay down their patterns for life.

Recognize that obstacles of technological entertainment get harder to avoid as your children get into the Elementary ages and into high school. We really have to protect and defend the time and the space for reading. We have to make opportunities for reading a priority.

“Makeovers” at Home

Now and then your family may need a “makeover.” In my family, we changed the family room from a TV room into a library, surrounded by bookshelves on two sides, with a low shelf where we rotated puzzles, board games, cards, a globe, and limited art supplies. On the coffee table between the two couches we put a big Atlas and field guides of trees, wildflowers, and birds. We rotated the “coffee table” books on this table each week. This worked wonderfully because our children had lots of toys in other places around the house, but the library became our family room; the room inspired curiosity, reflection, discussion, and exploration. We were surrounded by books! This may spark some ideas for your own home. If you're looking for more ideas and inspiration to create a good space at home for fostering your children's reading then take a look at some interior design options which could be used in a kid's room - https://collov.com/inspiration/kids_room. Sometimes you need to reset your expectations at home, rearrange the space, or establish a new routine. Perhaps some new wallpaper would be beneficial to re-focus the child. That sort of change could re-spark their interest in being in their bedroom reading. Little changes can make big differences, so it might be worth giving their room a makeover to make them want to read in their room.

One more word on technology for the future: Now that my own children are almost 16 and 18, they have smartphones for daily travel and communication and laptop computers for working at school. When we walk into our house, my children, my husband, and I place our phones in a charging dock in the kitchen. Our rule is that phones and laptops may only be on the first level of the house, never upstairs where our bedrooms are. The phones stay in the dock, stationed, when we all go upstairs to bed at night. The laptops stay in the kitchen area to be used for homework at the kitchen table or somewhere else on the first floor. In other words, no screens travel through the house. They have definite locations and boundaries that are visible and clear. This has made it a peaceful home where we laugh and talk with each other. I cannot tell you how happy we are that we created these boundaries!

What does go everywhere with us? Books! The house is filled with books.

Enjoy the Adventures!

To summarize, enjoy reading books for yourself, for starters. Fill your home with books, and make time for reading to happen naturally. Read out loud to your family. You’ll find that Heidi takes you to the mountains of Switzerland in simpler times, while Old Yeller takes you to the dusty West and shows what life is like on ranches and in hardship. Where the Red Fern Grows gives children an imagination for the wonders of the woods at night and the camaraderie between a boy and his brilliant hunting dogs. That’s a story that makes us pause—for a long time and often through gushing tears—and appreciate the animals in our lives and what they have given to us.

Books take us on adventures, they make us laugh and cry, they make us feel feelings. They make us think about things, about people, about life. Enjoy the adventures!

Recommended Reading

Submitted by Margaret Jessen Kelley

Autumn is here! And with it, cooler winds, colorful leaves, and flourishing apple orchards. There are many activities for you to do with your young child all based around the beautiful apple. You may enjoy a trip to the apple orchard, as well as a Practical Life activity with the fruit in your own kitchen. Here are some ideas for you to try with your children this fall.

An Apple Orchard Excursion

Is there anywhere that feels more like early fall than an apple orchard? The sweet smell of fruit against the dry grass, the sun shining through the leaves, the feel of the apple as you pluck it from the branch. It is a wonderful place to take a small child. However, before you head out to the orchard, there are a few helpful steps to consider. First of all, do your best to find a true functioning apple orchard, and not a “fake farm.” How can you tell the difference? An apple orchard will have apple trees and possibly baskets to hold the fruit. A fake farm will have about a hundred other activities, including clowns, donuts, trains, mazes, and many other elements unnecessary to the production of apples. There is a time and a place for this kind of fun, but it is not an ideal outing for a small child. An apple orchard on its own is treasure enough for your toddler. (For families in Northern Illinois, Heinz Orchard in Green Oaks is a good example of an authentic, no-frills apple orchard.)

Secondly, once you have found this orchard, before you have even put your child in the car seat, take a deep breath. Lower your expectations. Now lower them again. You will probably have an idea in your mind about how this activity is going to go. You may be imagining your child laughing happily down the rows of apples and helpfully picking fruit and placing it in the basket. Remember that your child has no idea that this is how apple picking is supposed to go. Moreover, he does not care. If you get to the orchard and he is crying and uncooperative and having a tantrum, it probably means he is tired and you should just get back in the car with your three apples and go home. Letting go of expectations is a part of parenthood.

When you reach the apple orchard, assuming all is going well, you can let your child explore the trees at his own pace. If he wants to stay at one tree and pick every single apple within reach, then let him do that. If he wants to move along the row and pick one apple from every tree and this feels achingly inefficient to you, take another deep breath, and let him do that. Remember that this apple picking expedition is not actually about picking as many apples as you can. When you are with a small child, it is about his sensorial experience--the smells, sounds, sights, and feel of the orchard. It is also about his Practical Life activity here--the process of putting apples in buckets, the movements required to walk between trees, and plucking apples from the branches.

The apple orchard will also be a wonderful opportunity for language. You can talk about “blossom,” “branch”, “stem”, “trunk”, “ladder”, “worm”, and so on. He will connect the words to the sensory rich experience and store them in his absorbent mind.

Your trip to the apple orchard will probably end when your young child runs out of steam. As mentioned before, this may occur one minute after you arrive. It may occur fifteen minutes after you arrive. If he lasts longer than that, consider this excursion a rousing success. It is also important to be prepared for an unpleasant exit from the orchard. Even if the trip has gone very well, he may run out of energy just as you are leaving, and there will be tears. Speak to him gently and matter-of-factly about the trip home, and what you will be doing when he gets home. Please do not let this sadness take away from what may have been a very lovely outing for your family. This is simply what life with little children is like!

Making Applesauce at Home

Without a doubt, this second apple activity will not take place on the same day as the trip to the apple orchard. Unless perhaps your child takes a tremendous nap and wakes up with a great deal of positive energy and focus. So often, it is our own ideas about activities that dictate our schedule, rather than our children’s capabilities. They are usually up for one big activity a day, if that. Similarly, you should give yourself permission to pause this activity at any point in the process. If he is not interested in doing the work, then today is not his day. He may want to do one or two steps and then walk away, and that is fine. You can always come back to it another time or another day. Or you may simply finish the activity yourself. This work is for his development and not the productivity of the household.

So, once you have briefly assessed that your child is probably up for a slightly prolonged Practical Life activity, you can invite him to join you in the kitchen. The first step is always to wash hands and put on an apron, to indicate to him that he is ready to work.

Wash the apples. Set up your child at a table that is fitted to him. To the left, place a basket with a few apples. In front of him, put a low bowl or bin filled with an inch or two of water. To the right, put an empty bowl or basket for the clean apples. This left to right model is indirect preparation for reading. Model for him how you choose an apple and put it in the water. Then use a very soft scrub brush to gently clean all sides of the apple. Put the apple in the empty basket to the right. Give him a turn to do the work as he chooses. This may mean vigorously scrubbing one square inch of the apple, and this may mean cleaning every apple in the span of fifteen seconds. You can intervene gently once or twice to show your child how to clean all of each apple, but do not hover or insist on your own way. This is a process for him and he will learn how to properly clean apples eventually. But probably not today.

Dry the apples. Once the apples are clean (you can give them a going over in the sink while your child’s back is turned), you can show him how to dry them. Remove the washing tools and place a dry cloth in front of your child’s seat. Again, place the wet apples to the left of him, and an empty basket to the right of him. Show him how you use the dry towel to wipe off one apple at a time and then place the dry apple in the empty basket. Model looking for wet spots before putting the apple aside. Then let him do it. As with all practical life activities, you must not insist on your own way. If he wants to dry one apple and then he is finished, you can finish drying the apples.

Cut the apples. When the apples are dry and the apple drying materials are put away, you can set up an activity for cutting the apples. This is easily done with a tray that has a cutting board in the center, a bowl on each side, an apple cutter, and a child-appropriate knife (Available at Montessori Services). Place the apple on the center of the tray and show your child how to use the apple cutter to cut the core out of the apple. You can put your hands on top of his as you push down on the cutter. Show him how to pull out the slices one by one and place them in the bowl to the left. Then discard the core. Now, show your child how to choose one apple slice at a time, place horizontally on the cutting board, and use the knife appropriately to cut the apple piece in half. Then put the cut apple pieces in the bowl to the right. Let him work at his own pace through as many apples as he wants, cutting each apple into as many pieces as he sees fit. The beauty of applesauce is that it does not matter! At the end of each apple, he can help you dump the bowl into a slow cooker you have set up on the kitchen counter.

Cook the applesauce. Depending on how many apples your child chooses to cut, you may end up adding some that you have cut yourself on the counter. For six apples, add half a cup of water and half a teaspoon of cinnamon to the cooker. Your child can help pour into the cooker if he is still interested in the activity. Cook on low for about six hours, then mash with a fork or potato masher (another excellent activity for your child if it interests him!) and enjoy.

There are many ways to enjoy the unique elements of fall with your family. These apple activities appeal to young children, and also give them a sense of contributing to their home. When you are enjoying your applesauce with your child you can reflect on the memories you made at the orchard and the work you did to create their snack, and you can thank him for his contribution to the family. It is a meaningful experience for a young child!

Submitted by Paula Lillard Preschlack

Why Go to School, Little One?

Sometimes people are surprised to hear that children can begin attending Forest Bluff School when they are only 18 months old. You may wonder, “What in the world can a one-and-a-half-year-old do in a school?” And yet, we know from research and observations that the first years of life are by far the most rapidly formative, important years of development, physically and psychologically. Dr. Montessori recognized that providing a special environment, designed to help young children in specific ways, makes sense. Once you see with your own eyes what the littlest children do in a prepared Montessori environment, skepticism evolves into awe.

In a Young Children’s Community of 18-month to 3-year-olds, we see children removing their own coats and reaching up to hang them on hooks at eye level in their cubbies, choosing work from the shelves that come to their waist height, and carrying materials to small tables or rugs where they decide to do their “work.” Once there, young children focus their attention on tasks that interest them greatly, using their hands, thinking through the steps, experimenting with the materials, and communicating with their teacher and fellow classmates.

Children in the Young Children's Community prepare communal meals, cutting the produce, setting the table, and pouring water into child-size glasses.

At a time in life when they are intensely concentrating on developing body control, thought processes, and the abilities to communicate their emotions and thoughts, very young children benefit tremendously from being in a learning environment that provides activities that perfectly meet their developmental characteristics and needs. Manipulative materials provide opportunities to develop hand-eye coordination. Language materials give ample experience with new vocabulary and pronunciation aided by the adults in the room. Practical Life activities help children form understandings of sequences, muscle control, memory, and logical thinking. The roots of music, artistic expression, biology, counting, measuring, and more are presented in a rich learning environment that young children feel safe to explore. Most important perhaps, is the confidence that young children build in their daily successes and the awareness of others in a community with an understanding of their own role within it. This confidence gives children the springboard to learn and develop at nature’s pace, without being held back from lack of exposure or by environments that do not match their developmental characteristics and needs.

At Home

Being at home with their families is invaluable for very young children, too. Most parents find that when their 18-month-old children spend three hours at school, there is still plenty of time to connect at home as well, even when they attend a Montessori program five mornings a week. The continuity and regular morning schedule allows children to calmly settle into a routine that makes sense to them. While parents have their time to get things done without children in tow, young children get to go do their “work” at the same time. At lunchtime when they are reunited, parents can give their full attention to their children and still have several hours together after nap time as well.

If parents could provide all the opportunities and atmosphere for optimal development in our homes, a Young Children’s Community would not be necessary. But realistically, with our attention divided, the phone and door bell ringing, emails coming in, and so many complex demands in our home lives these days, it is more challenging for young children to develop the deeper focus and to access activities that truly help them in their development.

A Special Learning Environment

When a living space is sized for children and functions, just as ours does for adults, little children develop body control and the confidence that they can do things for themselves.

Bringing young children to a safe place where they have a peaceful atmosphere, respect, and attentiveness from trained teachers, and where they can move at their own pace as they become masters of their own bodies and minds, is a gift. The Young Children’s Community, with useful but tiny objects and perfectly-sized furniture, functioning refrigerator, sink, toilet, and toaster oven, all down at their level, empowers young children to boldly learn how to take care of themselves and contribute to others. Because Montessori teachers are trained to recognize developmental stages and needs, they are uniquely poised to help children when and where it matters most. The moments for language development, understanding processes and sequences for logical thinking, and setting the foundation for mathematical and higher thinking are attended to.

Furthermore, as human beings, we are designed to connect with others. Our young children have this need from the beginning of life. Their social development, self-awareness, and communication skills need attention to develop well in the early years. So, come to school, Little Ones! The Montessori Young Children’s Community is here for you at Forest Bluff.

Listen to Building a Foundation for Life to learn more about how the Young Children’s Community supports the development of children under the age of three.

Activities such as washing dishes appeal to very young children who are developing the ability to focus through multi-step processes. Repeating these steps forms an understanding of how things work in our world. The child becomes more aware and prepared, very naturally, for higher learning in subsequent years.

Children learn to pass the food they have prepared in the morning and to serve themselves. The respect for one another and for themselves is born and evolves further.

Developing fine motor control is critical in theses early years. To engage the whole personality, there must be a match between the level of challenge and the potential for mastery. The result is not just physical—it is psychological as well. The children develop deep concentration that enables them to learn more complex subjects in subsequent years.

The development of the hands as tools to serve the thoughts of the mind can only happen with use. Eye-hand discernment and precision come over time with repetition and interest.

The Young Children's Community is specially prepared by trained Montessori teachers who know what activities will appeal to children these ages and what tools they can learn to use carefully. Every activity involves reality and a logical sequence of steps.

Learning to wait as a group before eating: This is an exercise in developing self-control in order to be part of a harmonious community. The children do this every day in the Young Children's Community.

Submitted by Paula Lillard Preschlack

A Tough Topic for Many, an Essential Topic for All

Money can be a topic wrought with emotion and social confusion. Children pick up on the ambiguity, the uncertainty, and the power of this mysterious subject—one that they encounter, in some way or another, almost daily. How do parents introduce them to this aspect of their adult lives? How do parents explain the complex feelings they themselves may have about the subject? Talking to children about money—something that for an adult might involve feelings of shame, insecurity, or maybe even resentment—can be challenging. Parents can try to stay on a surface level in conversations, but children pick up on the emotions and judgment that lie just beneath that surface. Wherever they consider themselves to be on the financial security/success scale, parents can’t get away with being vague for too long.

As Ron Lieber explains in The Opposite of Spoiled, whether a family is high or low or somewhere in between on the national scale of incomes, not talking to children about money is failing them. Instead, he says, embrace the opportunities to pass on life values. He encourages parents to start discussing the subject even if they haven’t figured it all out for themselves yet. Just get started and work through it, he advises.

Talking to children about money is complicated further by a constant barrage of messages from others—from the media and advertisements that are everywhere that children turn. Lieber calls this an “engine of envy” and a “torrent of longing” that presents temptations to children and young adults every day. If parents don’t say much, children will form their values from elsewhere.

Montessori and Money

Dr. Montessori embraced this topic as a fascinating study in human exchanges and agreements. She encouraged educators and parents to let children handle real coins and paper money, and to study how different civilizations created monies to address issues that arose with trading goods and exchanging. In the Lower Elementary Montessori classrooms, 6-to-9-year-olds use real coins and paper money for counting and making combinations that are relevant in current culture. Children work through mathematical equations using money combinations and solve word problems about real-life situations. This gives them familiarity and confidence with the subject on basic levels. They also learn about economic geography by studying where certain goods are manufactured in our country and in the world, using stamps to create their own ink maps. They study the progression and transformation of goods, such as wheat as it is made into bread. The children investigate all the persons who are involved in such processes, from the miller, to the baker, to the storekeeper, to the truck drivers, and so on. This builds an attitude of appreciation and an understanding of economic sequences and relationships.

In Upper Elementary Montessori classrooms, children ages 9-12 learn more about world economies and taxes, and through some presentations from their teachers as well as their own studies of different topics, their knowledge and understanding of finances grows.

In the Secondary Level, adolescents in Montessori programs begin to make crafts and sell them to participate in a local economy and raise funds for various school activities. They plan service trips that require a detailed budget, created by a student finance committee. At Forest Bluff School, students also balance their own classroom account and walk to the local bank to make deposits and withdrawals. The Secondary Level adolescents’ discussions about the financial world extend from articles in the periodicals that come to the classroom daily, including the Wall Street Journal that relays the stock market activity and The Economist that gives a global perspective on issues of the day. 

Talking About Values

It is crucial, however, that parents and extended family members address the topic of money from home and outside of school as well. Wise mottos on this subject are easy to find. Basic ones every child can benefit from are:

• Spend less than you make. Money can create interest when in the bank where it is being used and builds interest over time. Borrowing money means a person is spending more, not less, and companies might benefit if they can entice a person to spend.
• Build a work ethic throughout life. From a Montessori perspective, this begins at birth, believe it or not! It is about valuing effort in the infant who is trying to do something for herself or himself. Parents help their child immeasurably, for instance, when they patiently and unobtrusively support a 15-month-old who is attempting to button her own shirt or pull on her sock. The simple act of giving the child the time and space to dress herself (rather than take control of the situation because it’s faster and easier for the parent) establishes a precedent for the child that she is already an independent, capable being who can accomplish great things with focused effort. These early experiences with self-reliance and persistence lay the foundation for a strong work ethic and a can-do attitude. At each stage of childhood, there are relevant challenges that adults can support their children to embark on, encouraging a strong work ethic from the beginning.

• Money is about human values, not about stuff. Everyone knows the sayings Money can’t buy you happiness and You can’t take it with you, but the behavior children see all around them competes with these ideas. It’s important to discuss advertisements with children to help them develop the ability to take a step back and discern accurately.

Today’s surrounding culture will give children ample soil for developing their views about money. This is why it is so important for parents to talk about the subject and to see the conversations as wonderful opportunities to pass on enduring values.

Young Children

With very young children, this can be done simply by modeling values in one’s daily choices and activities. A parent can begin thinking about why he or she made simple decisions, such as whether or not to purchase something—a certain food over another, for instance. A parent can do this, knowing that before long, their young children will articulate these very questions in the form of “Why can’t I have that Pop-Tart instead of this orange?” When they ask such questions, a parent might answer, “It is important to me to give your growing body the nutrition it needs to be healthy and happy. That’s my job as your parent.” (Note: This is a statement that involves no negotiating! If these are personal values, then they belong to that person. Realize, the parent is in charge of this, not the children.)

Elementary, Ages 6-12

As children get older and they notice their parents buying their clothes at a discount store instead of where a friend goes shopping, this is an opportunity for parents to verbalize the choice. A parent can steer answers towards their values. Instead of saying “we cannot afford…” or passing judgment on what “other people” do, a parent can explain that they want to have money for other things that they value more than name-brand clothing. This models and exposes children to decision-making and personal values.

When children ask their parents, “Why does that man drive an expensive car?” that parent has an opportunity for a discussion, which can always lead back to what they value and how their values are shaped. Adults can honor other people’s choices nonjudgmentally, since one often doesn’t always know why other people make the choices they make. A parent may decide to share the message that “the most important things in life are not things—they are experiences and people and stories.” And yes, sometimes these are represented by things, but they are not the things themselves.  

Beyond the commercially-produced games that one could buy that teach children about money, parents can make up games with coins and dollars, to help their children learn about finances. For example, in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, Stephen Covey explains a game one family played to help their children learn basic principles of finance right in their own living room. In sum, they set up the room with four stations: a pretend “bank,” a “store,” a “credit card company,” and a “charity” stand. Starting a stopwatch to keep track of the time, they gave the children “jobs” to do, such as folding laundry and sweeping, and then paid them a dime for doing this work every few minutes when a timer went off. Then the stopwatch alarm went off again, and the parents stopped the children to let them either spend their dimes at the store, use it to borrow more from the credit card company, put it in the bank, or some combination. They resumed the work cycle, and then another bell went off, signaling time to collect on—or distribute—interest! Experiencing what happens when one has borrowed, versus seeing the money grow in the bank, made these children understand something that many adults still have trouble getting used to! The promises that come in the junk mail about how “easy” it might be to spend money one does not actually have may be leading a generation of young people to confusion. But by talking about this and playing simple games, parents can get the basic ideas across and have fun doing it. 

Adolescents and Young Adults

Adolescence is when the more subtle and complex aspects of investing, taxes, money management, and economies in the wider world become fascinating. Adolescents are beginning to realize they will need to be independent from their parents someday, and the internal feelings can be daunting. They need conversations about how it all works and how they are going to make their own way in the future.

At Forest Bluff, we encourage families to tell their adolescents ages 12 to 15 that these are “skill building years” when they should not expect to be paid, but should seek out internships, apprenticeships, and jobs in businesses outside of their family circle. This way, young adults learn customer service, how to talk with strangers, how to be helpful, how to get a job done well, what people value in the workplace, and how it all works. Most importantly, they get to be a part of it.

Young workers will see people from all walks of life. They’ll notice those who take constant cigarette breaks and those who stay late to finish packing boxes. They’ll come into contact with rude customers and might witness random acts of kindness as well. By showing up on time and acting responsibly, adolescents may be promoted to working behind the desks or interacting with customers. Many will find that employers want to pay them when they find that their work contributes and that they are dependable. It can take time to prove oneself, and this is, in itself, a lesson of how the workforce operates. Having one’s contributions valued is incredibly validating for a young person. Starting at these jobs by working for free in their early teens typically leads to building skills that make children employable at sixteen—the age when others might be trying to find a job for the first time, with no real experience under their belts.

A Family Culture Moving Forward

Families that talk about their values and about money, who plan together and work like a team to support one another, will find that finances can be a natural part of their family lives. Parents are wise to talk with their children about what determines the true wealth of any family: These can be thought of as human capital, intellectual capital, financial capital, and social capital. On any level, a family can look at what areas they may need to invest in: intellectual capital means education, experiences such as camps or courses, eventual careers, and the coaching and mentoring the family might be able to invest in. Social capital has to do with philanthropy and helping others in one’s communities, whether by giving time and volunteer energies, or with financial donations (The Legacy Family, Hausner & Freeman).

A common question is whether children ought to be paid for chores. The research shows strongly that paying children for actions that ought to be normal parts of daily living—such as tidying up one’s things, helping to make meals, carrying groceries into the house, or taking out the garbage when it is full—backfires. Is anyone paying the adults in a family to do these things for the rest of the group? If children are paid, then how are they being prepared for normal adulthood? Studies show that children who do choresfor which they arenot paid are happier, healthier, and more successful, not only in life but academically as well. Contributing to the life of one’s family or group builds values and character, a collaborative mentality, and maturity. It prepares them for life.

Making It Last

Parents may choose to avert their family’s attentions from making opinions about money or judging the decisions of friends, and instead focus on the idea of passing on values from generation to generation. A warning to wealthy families comes in the proverb of “Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations” or “Rice paddies to rice paddies…” or “Orange grove to orange grove…”. In any culture around the globe, there is a common pattern of younger generations losing the wealth passed on to them. If given money without learning to carefully and conservatively build financial stability, a family can lose the work ethic and values that created the success in their previous generations. So, this passing on of values should be a constant concern in any family, wealthy or not. Every parent hopes to raise children who can build financial security and prosperity in adulthood. A focus on values guides parents to think about the realities of adulthood when making decisions with their children and discussing money. In the Montessori approach, the goal is not to educate children for another level of schooling, but for life!

Dr. Montessori said about money:

"It is clear that we cannot give all these different notions that ought to be developed to the child all at once, but one should give practical possibilities of studying the different sides and by means of material, gradually go through the different stages throughout the ages…you will see how easy it is to render clear to the child these first fundamental steps…It forms a real study that must develop gradually as all the other studies do" (1939 AMI Journal article from Montessori archives).

So, in the spirit of the Montessori approach that encourages us to connect with our children on all subjects, talk about money this summer, play some games, and embrace the opportunities to express your heartfelt life values with your children.

Suggested Reading

The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money, by Ron Lieber

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, by Stephen Covey

The Legacy Family: The Definitive Guide to Creating a Successful Multigenerational Family, by Lee Hausner and Douglas K. Freeman
(This book includes an excellent list of suggested books towards the end.)

Wealth and Families: Lessons from my Life Journey, by Howard Stevenson
(A faculty member and leader at the Harvard Business school for 40 years and founder of a wealth management firm. This simple little guide was written to give advice to his own family, but it offers wisdom for any situation.)

Silver Spoon Kids: How Successful Parents Raise Responsible Children, by Eileen Gallo and Jon Gallo

Better than a Lemonade Stand: Small Business Ideas for Kids, by Daryl Bernstein

Games for Children

Education Begins at Birth

Dr. Maria Montessori, a trained physician who specialized in pediatrics and psychiatry before establishing her own educational philosophy and approach, recognized that tremendous brain, motor, and personality development occur during the first three years of a child’s life. These observations, once considered revolutionary, are now widely accepted among early childhood professionals and researchers.

Given her understanding of the earliest years of human development—in which the child, from the moment he is born, uses all his senses for the important work of constructing his own personality and intellect—Montessori believed that education begins at birth. Accordingly, she emphasized the importance of preparing the home environment and caring for the youngest of children in a way that supports their intrinsic drive to learn and need for independence.  

Montessori from the Start

At Forest Bluff School, we offer Montessori parenting classes about Dr. Montessori’s theories and her recommendations for parents of very young children. In each session we discuss ideas and offer practical suggestions to help parents in meeting their children’s needs for: independence in self-care, coordinated movement of the whole body, language acquisition, and the gradual development of a self-controlled will. The inspiration and guiding principles for these parenting classes come from Montessori from the Start: The Child at Home, from Birth to Age Three, coauthored by Forest Bluff School co-founders Paula Polk Lillard and Lynn Lillard Jessen.

Montessori from the Start was written to be a resource for parents wondering how they can best support the development of their babies and young children within a Montessori framework. In explaining how the Montessori approach of hands-on learning and self-discovery relates to babies and young children, the authors refer to Dr. Montessori’s suggestions for raising infants and the materials she created for the care and comfort of babies. Since its first publication in 2003, parents and caregivers have turned to Montessori from the Start when seeking advice on feeding, sleeping, toilet training, and more.

The Discussion Guide

To further support parents and schools who wish to engage in deeper conversation about the topics presented in the book, there is now a Montessori from the Start Discussion Guide, with thought-provoking questions to accompany each chapter. We encourage parents and educators to download the Discussion Guide and use it for both individual reflection and small group discussion.  At Forest Bluff School, we gather with parents in guided conversations throughout the school year. The feedback we most often receive from parents is how reassuring and helpful it is for them to share with each other their parenting challenges and successes.

When leading a small group discussion about Montessori from the Start, we recommend focusing on one particular topic or chapter that can be explored in depth, such as preparing the home environment or the child’s need for real-world sensorial experiences and objects. The questions for each chapter begin with a pertinent quote from the book, which can be used as a springboard for conversation. For example, in the chapter titled “Discovering the World” the authors state:

It is important now to take time to think about the organization of the home… Does it make sense? Is it ordered, simple, and functional? Is it beautiful? We want the baby to discover an orderly environment and thereby incorporate this order within her own mind (p. 47).

Questions to accompany this quote are:

What are the areas of your own home where it is the most challenging to create order? Are there areas that are naturally organized? What are ways you have found that make it easier to have an orderly home?

 The above quote and accompanying questions could themselves inspire an hour-long discussion about how to best organize a home for the needs of the young child. Once parents get talking and sharing ideas, the discussion may take on a life of its own. We suggest introducing new questions and quotes on an as-needed basis, to guide the discussion back to the topic at hand, rather than trying to “get through” a predetermined number of discussion questions.

In addition to providing context for the questions, the selected quotes are helpful for parents who may not have read the book in its entirety. At Forest Bluff School, we believe it is important to invite parents to participate in book discussions even if they have not yet had an opportunity to read the book. The Montessori from the Start Discussion Guide was written such that it can be used regardless of whether or not someone has read the book, as many of the questions require self-reflection and thinking about one’s own child. For example, in making the point that the youngest of children need experiences with the real world—rather than screens and fantastical realms—the authors state:

This is the time [12-18 months] to begin the habit of a daily walk with your child. This walk should be a meandering one, one that follows the child’s mission, not the adult’s. The child stops to inspect everything… In our accomplishment-oriented lives, we lose sight of the joy and beauty of living in the moment and of savoring the details of life (p. 85).

 The accompanying questions are ones that any parent can ponder:

 When have you had the experience of slowing your own life to your child’s pace? What did you notice about the world during these times? How did you feel? How did your child respond to this period of time that was adjusted to her own pace?

Whether you are an educator looking to engage parents of young children in conversation about Montessori-based parenting principles or an expectant parent wondering how you can prepare your home for your newborn, the Montessori from the Start Discussion Guide can serve as a useful tool for reflection and inspiration. Given what we now know about early childhood brain development, it is clear that Dr. Montessori was right in her assertion that the youngest of children are doing the critical work of constructing their intellect and personality from the moment they are born. By thinking about and sharing ideas about parenting from a Montessori perspective, parents can feel more confident about their choices when deciding how to best support their child’s early development.